PART 4: A New Hope
Why was I feeling miserable last day n shedding tears because I was feeling lonely but that is not a new thing, nothing has changed I was alone before, now and will always be. It is just another day where I was feeling low, I was breaking down in this room and couldn’t control my emotions as there was no one in front of me, but I don’t want be like this every day. How to be keep check on myself??? Yes, I am breaking down when I will be alone and no one to lean upon at that time but if I will not be alone then I don’t have to feel like this. Loneliness is not the issue it is the disappointment of not achieving anything as I am not able to mark something as mine, to tell everyone that it is done by me and these thoughts are making me weak from inside as I am suppressing all desires and failures in myself, these are affecting not only on my career but also my life big time. All these dreams seem to be a burden on me as I will never be able to achieve these, my dreams is not to reach the sky but to go beyond it. These are dreams which are not practically be achieved by me who can gain attention of everyone and still want to keep yourselves as secret. Either I have to give up the wish to gain attention or give to hold any secrets. And I choose secrets. Need to overcome this issue in hand. If someone is thirst they have to find water and water won’t come to him on its own, likewise I don’t have to tell anyone I need them, I will just accompany them and keep myself busy so these thoughts will not invade my mind and I will control my emotions. Let me see what other options do I have to keep my mind occupied…Movies, listening songs, watching TV, reading novels but should be interesting or else my mind will start thinking all these crap.
Same time parent’s room:
Mama:Aji sunte ho …
P:Aap teek keh rahi ho Geet ki maa…patha nahi kab tak hum sab kuch samal sahktey hai…par abhi humari halat bhi tho asi nahi ki uski shaadi karde…thodi samay tho lage ga na paise jodne mein, 2 saal mein 2 shaadi kiya hai hume aur abhi 3 key liye time lagega na.
M:Par hum ladke tho dundna shuru kar sahkte haina ji Geet Rajji jitna tho kubsurat nahi hai aur patli bhi hai aur uski chehra par tho woh pimples ke kitne marks hai, itni asani se tho ladke manenge tho nahi. Kabhi kabar tho lagtha hai jaise ek stick ko kapde pahenadiya hai. Hume tho kuch farak nahi padtha par log tho sab puchthe haina. Rajji ki waqt ki baath yaad haina aapko kitna padi lihki hai phir bhi newspaper padvaya tha un logne. Brij aur Rajji keliye humne ek saal tak dunda hai tho Geet liye abhi se shuru karde tho ache haina.
P:Haan Geet ki maa aap teek bol rahi hai par mein chatha tha Geet pehle aapni padayi tho puri karle.
M:Woh tho katam hohi jayega…tab tak hum uske liye ladka doond dete hai. Ek baar Geet se bhi baat kar hi lo.
P:Use bathaye bina hum thodi karenge..
Kuch Mahino baad…
Geet …Geet …Haan mama bolo na…tuhje dehkne keliye ladke wale arahe hai…jaldi tayar hoja …ufff…phir se…teek hai phir aap sari pehnado muhje. Tu kab seehkege…teek hai tu pehn neke kosish kar mein madat kardeti hoon…ok mama. while helping her…Geet ladka ache kandan se hai …aur bade ghar ka bhi hi.. I have to make sure this guy says no …bade ghar ki bade bade nakre aur farmaish na baba na...Geet sun rahi hai na meri baath main tho ladke ki puri kahani sunde aur tu hai ki jawab hi nahi derahi hai..haan mama mein ne sunli…aap joav mein baaki ka karlongi…aap baaki tayariyonko dehko javo…